Probably the most I’ve grown in a LONG time.

I really love reading the ramblings of other bloggers. The things they have to say, whether of any real relevance to the world or themselves, draw me in somehow. They kind of make me forget about myself for once to focus on the issues of elsewhere, also whilst sometimes being pretty philosophical on some cases. Like take for instance, a recent blog post of a girl named Mandy. She talks about Forgiveness with her mother, from the past as a child growing up without an “uncaring or crazy” mother that is said to wreak a bit of havoc in her life, compared to now as an adult who comes to accept what she is given. I’ll put a little quote here to exemplify:

*People don't change much and my gut told me it would eventually resurface. The fact of the matter is, given her erratic behaviors, I feel sorry for her. My mother has done and said some awful things. Short of ripping my beating heart out of my chest, I am certain no other pain inflicted in my lifetime has ever made me feel quite the way she has. I realize someone with her disturbing childhood and difficult transition into adulthood is emotionally incapable of functioning in a loving relationship with another human....NOW. As a kid, I just thought she did it on purpose.

And with that, it’s something that maybe I should try applying with my life. My friends, who grew up with something I hadn’t gone without—or maybe now they’re dealing with that I may just never understand; my step-mom, whose strange anxiety that creeps from behind that strict and sort of straight-faced exterior, a result from her childhood and a life time I’ll never know… There being many more examples that I could bring up, the point should be taken when I say that I realize how good I’ve got it now. I figure, who cares what happened in the past? At least for myself!

When I think about the fortunate disposition I’ve gotten to be brought up in now, I can sort of stop to feel sorry for those who haven’t been as lucky, without pitying. I can feel happy when something good happens to them without getting jealous. I can also comfort them now without involving my own personal emotions, just from knowing there will always be someone there for myself when I need to be dragged from the darkness; no one has to owe me back. There have been too many instances where the peeking cons from each of those past sentences have ruined my life in some way (in which I will not delineate, seeing as how it’s probably for everyone’s own good that I never let them resurface my conscious thoughts at this time), but I get now that I should learn from the mistakes and move on. Never look back. It makes me feel at peace with myself these days, despite some circumstances.

I can also thank my friends for that. They all know who they are.